We all know one, or two, or ten. I’m going to tell you about the one I know in my Logic I class.
First of all, I want to give some background information. My boyfriend and I are in this class together and we often play games or peruse Facebook in our downtime. It’s really no big deal; but this one kid thinks it is. Wyatt (my boyfriend) and I sit towards the back on the right hand side of the classroom. This nosey kid, whom we will name Microsoft Sam, sits one row behind us on the left hand side.
Microsoft Sam showed up on my radar the very first day of class for several reasons.
- He dresses in mad scientist garb and carries a brief case.
- He makes comments after everything either the teacher or another student says.
- He talks like Microsoft Sam. I kid you not.
When I say he talks like Microsoft Sam, I am dead serious. The first day of class, he told the teacher that he had,
“Pieces of data on a document for her to observe in accordance with clause [insert random number here] found in our school’s instruction manual.”
Okay, so I’m assuming he has a disability that he needed to make the teacher aware of. That’s great, I’m glad he is making use of our school’s services.
I would have to say that this kid’s head is wired like a computer. We talked about paradoxes our first day of class and came across the following question:
Is this sentence true or false?
This sentence is false.
(It’s simple in a complicated way to understand, really. If it is a true sentence, then it is a false sentence. If it is a false sentence, then it is a true sentence. However, the cycle never ends, it simply repeats forever and ever.)
At the offering of this question, Microsoft Sam immediately arches his back like a meerkat spotting a predator in the distance and screams,
“ERROR! ERROR! ERROR! THIS STATEMENT IS ERROR!“
It was just a tiny over exaggeration… Okay fine.
However, this behavior continued on for several class periods. I thought maybe it was a phase that he would get out of after a few days. I thought that maybe he thought he should talk that way because it was a Logic class. Nope. Apparently, he talks that way all the time. Well, alright, that’s fine, I guess.
The problem is that he never stops talking. The teacher has to ask him to stop every few minutes because he continually makes irrelevant comments that interrupt the lecture or students’ questions. I almost feel bad for him sometimes, because the teacher doesn’t go lightly on him.
[After asking him to stop talking]
Microsoft Sam: “Sorry, sorry, my mouth reflexively responds to data that I interpret.”
Teacher: “Your mouth needs to reflexively shut up when I’m talking.”
Microsoft Sam: “Command issued – Powering doooooown…”
Of course, he doesn’t actually stop, but it’s whatever.
As I mentioned before, Wyatt and I multitask while in this class. We dim our screens all the way down, so as not to distract the kids behind us, nor do we make any noise at all. Typically, Wyatt will play one of his map games, and I’ll either play Neopets or surf the web. No harm is being done and Microsoft Sam is not in a position where he has easy access to our screens. However, the rules of the classroom dictate that computers are to be used for classroom use only.
Arrest us, for we are scum-of-the-earth dirty rotten rule breakers.
I checked with the kids behind us to see if we were bothering them. They said they didn’t care at all. I don’t know if Microsoft Sam noticed our suspiciously frequent clicks and typing, or our ‘gamer hand positions’ or what, but suddenly, we were on his radar, too.
Over the next few class periods, I’ve caught him precariously perching on the edge of his chair, nearly falling into the lava pit that is the floor, to catch glimpses of our screens. So I turn around and give him this look:
and he gives me this look back:
Next class, 15 minutes before it starts, Wyatt and I are discussing the intelligence level of cavemen and how smart they must have been to figure everything out on their own, because they did not have google. Microsoft Sam takes this opportunity to make his move. He says,
“speaking of google, you two have been using unauthorized computer software during CLASS TIME!!! YOU’RE PLAYING GAME OF THRONES AND YOU’RE PLAYING PET SIMULATOR!“
It was everything in my power not to laugh, even though I could have because the other members of our class were. Wyatt, being the snarky fellow he is, retorts,
“Would you rather me look up porn in class?”
A tad inappropriate, but Microsoft Sam tells him that would be impossible given our school’s web filter. Wyatt, being the IT major he is informs him that with enough effort, he could work around said filter. Microsoft Sam informs him that he could hack the filter to prevent Wyatt from hacking the filter.
That was the end of that altercation. It was all fun and games, mostly. When the teacher showed up, MS (Microsoft Sam) decides to inform the teacher of our “unauthorized computer software usage” by pointing at us and telling her she needs to do a better job of monitoring our screens. She literally didn’t even look up at him. I don’t think she even really cares unless we’re flunking the class, which we aren’t.
That got MS really hot and bothered because now he tries extra hard to see what we’re doing. It’s pretty funny because evidently other kids are starting to “multitask” on their computers, too.
We’re not going to let this bother us, since we’re both being successful students and the teacher has not said anything to us. We aren’t antagonizing him, he’s doing it to himself. The most we can do from here on out is dissuade any hot-and-botherdiness he starts to exhibit and go from there.
That’s not to say I won’t post about anything else that happens with this situation, because believe me, I will.